Little Red Writhing Hood

Fashion Fantasy

Why hasn't Berkeley started making Berkeley Burkas?? Not only do they start with the same syllable, but it would totally amp up this schools accepting, multicultural ethos that they flaunt all over the place. Stupid idea I had in the laundry room today.  

So this afternoon I went on a run in what I swear was some sort of fairy mountain paradise. The moss was phosphorescent, I'm pretty sure the sunlight was transformed into gaseous diamonds, and the air could only be described as juicy. I don't think the trees wanted me climbing in them though because I was sitting on a branch, visually climaxing at the view of the bay, and next thing I knew I was in the crucifixion position, my elbows slung over the back of the mossy branch and my feet dangling over an abyss of bracken and other unfriendly looking plants of unknown depth. Somehow I swung my leg over and had Matt pull me up onto the branch, but I shudder to think I was a hair's breadth from the jagged claws of a forest troll, salivating greedily at the neon green shorts of a foolish forest interloper! 

Drawrings

Hey diddle diddle

the cat played the fiddle

and I drew some weird little runes

Plans

I'm thinking of starting a cheese appreciation club at Berkeley. It would be called, in the tradition of ursine wordplay that so plagues this institution of higher learning, Camembears. I am thinking we would frequent the Cheese Board (a 'cheese collective' where I purchased jarlsberg of inimitable scrumptiousness), mix and match different wines and cheeses, but also try other things that involve cheese--write cheesy poems, channel our chis, and the like. I mentioned it last night (albeit to a group of stoned, hungry college students) and received some affirmative feedback. 

I think I may start composing the constitution soon. After I buy more cheese to fuel my imagination!

SLUG LIFE

The Chandelier of Sexual Frustration

The chandelier of sexual frustration

It hangs above my head with the threat of procreation

you try to talk to me about nuclear proliferation

but all I can think about is masturbation!

The chandelier of sexual frustration

It hangs above my head with menacing scintillation

You try to talk to me about the scholarly citations

but all I can think about is copulation!